Things Start to Get a Little Complicated...

It was a weird night at work for me today...

To summarize things a little, I've been getting along really well with the manager at the store (let's call her "E" for now). We have a lot of fun and we've even started to open up to each other a little about our issues. It's been good. So naturally I've been hoping to be friends with her outside of work as well. Do I have a bit of a crush on her? Yes, but I've been trying to put that out of mind (whether or not that's been successful or even if it's possible is another story).

So I made an effort... We talked about getting together to see a movie some time (a really bad B movie... the kind that's so out there it has to be good) and she said she was interested, but the few times I tried to nail it down and say "hey, how about this weekend?" she bailed. She was really depressed for those few weeks, which I understand, but maybe it was also that she was uncomfortable with the idea. She is my boss, after all. I'm scared, too, of doing something inappropriate.

So after much fretting and after talking it over with the therapist I decided to let it drop. The worry was driving me crazy. I've made several moves, so if she wants to be friends then she needs to make some effort too.

Several weeks go by. I was really busy with the move. I was giving her my new address (so the company would have it) when she brought up the movie thing herself. I was a little surprised and didn't know what to say. (Not that I usually know what to say, that is...) I got a little excited. We still don't have anything scheduled, but it might just happen.

Fast forward to a few hours ago. I was working the closing shift with the assistant manager. The store was in a slow patch and there were no customers and she took the lull to ask me "Is there something going on between you and E?"

"No," I reply, which is the truth.

"You have really good chemistry and when you're together it's like there's no one else in the room," she tells me. And my head is reeling.

I figured it was noticeable that we got along, but I didn't think anything like what she described was happening. The assistant manager continued to say that her and the other two female employees there had all been discussing this and were wondering when I was going to ask E out. She also hinted that she might've talked with E about this too (and I believe it). I told her it would be wholely inappropriate to date E, but she didn't think anyone would have a problem.

I'm very confused. I don't know what to do, really. After the mess with Lexi I'm feeling very afraid of getting involved in any relationship that would have such limitations, complications, or repercussions. Granted, E isn't married, so right there is a huge difference between the two, but I'm still really scared by all this.

I don't want to be single. I'm sick of being lonely. But I also want a healthy relationship. I need to keep in mind that having a romantic relationship with E is still entirely hypothetical, but it worries me. I fear I'm developing a track record of unhealthy, inappropriate, and awkward relationships.

What a week for the therapist to be out of the office...