This week we started interviewing potential new hires at work. The assistant manager announced that she's leaving to go back to school, so we put up "now hiring" on the big sign in front of the store, and the boss has started reviewing applications. This is a pretty big deal for everyone. We're a small crew at our location with only 6 staff total... three full timers (including the manager, assistant manager, and myself), a part timer, and two student employees (who get very few hours each). There's only one other guy working in the store, and I almost never work with him.
After the first interview on Wednesday, the manager came out and was all excited. "He's soooo cute!" she exclaimed and she went on about the wasps he had tattooed on his arm.
This was pretty upsetting for me. It's still upsetting for me to recall it. I do have a mild crush on the manager (bad idea, I know.... I'm fighting it) and I felt jealous, threatened and depressed.
The larger issue at hand, however, is that I'm still really lonely and I feel really unattractive, both physically and as a person. I can't imagine anyone getting excited over me the way the manager did for this guy. I can't imagine anyone really liking me at all and this makes all my efforts to be a better person—to exercise, take care of my diet and health, work on my social skills—that much harder.
The past 3 months or so I've been attempting the online dating thing. It's been very very difficult for me. My experience is that 90% of people just don't fucking respond. I've worked really hard at putting together a profile (I've even had a friend check it for me) and I put a lot of effort into what I write for those initial messages. I did manage to go on a few dates with one girl, a very nice and attractive person who talked too much and listened very little. She didn't seem to care about anything about me. It's frustrating and disappointing and the few successes I've had don't seem to count.
Does anyone have any advice or thoughts about the online dating thing?
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AA,
ReplyDeleteWow, you are really making positive strides! Next thing you will be blogging about is you got a pet!
Regarding blind dates and internet dates , a female friend of mine once hooked me up on a blind date, saying he was smart, college educated, made good money, handsome, and had a yellow lab. So i agreed to meet him. He showed up to the apartment I was living in then, in a taxi, got out, and I realized that, his yellow lab was his guide dog, and he really was a BLIND date. We had a lot of fun, and stayed friends until he went the married and children route.
But seriously, Internet dating, I would, as well as everyone i know, tell you while it does work, BE careful. Meet at a place like a diner or restaurant in your own car. Give your best friend your cell and then half way through, excuse yourself to go to the mens room and call friend and tell him/her all is well or not.
Unfortunately, lots of girls when they are nervous, talk too much and don't listen. It's something we have to learn once we re no longer 16.
Well, AA, as I write this, I got a pop up for Plenty of Fish. You inspired me It's been 4 years since i had a date. Maybe i6t's time to get back in there.
Have a wonderful weekend. i hope you can stay cool.
sincerely,
Susan and the Striped cat
I've missed you on the blogosphere. Come back.
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