Aug 7, 2008 at 10:24 PM, AA wrote:
...while I know you're just trying to help me and that you mean the best, I feel angry and frustrated when reading your advice. I mean, I haven't specifically asked for any. I know it's hard to listen to other people's problems and not try to help solve them—I saw many different people learn that lesson in every single quarter of group therapy—but all I want is someone to talk to. There are no answers for anything.
Aug 8, 2008 at 10:08 AM, Friend of AA replied:
I am an optimist. I see the silver lining 90% of the time. I know sometimes that people find this annoying, but when I cannot see the silver lining then I know it is time for me to make changes. Lately, I have been having problems--headaches, stress, etc. And it is only through the nuggets of advice from friends that I have gotten any calming thoughts. Because I am dependent on such advice, I think other people are too.
You are a friend. I care about you. And that is where giving advice comes from-- I just plain dont want to see you upset/sad/stressed. I am sorry that I said things that were frustrating and in the future I will try to stick to advice-free phrases such as 'that sucks' and 'im sorry'.
So I'll admit that I was in a pretty bad mood when I wrote that bit about getting advice. While I think the bad mood is definitely apparent, I haven't changed my stance on anything I said.
My friend's reply makes me angry and frustrated just as if she'd sent me more advice. I feel like she's given me two options: either I hear her advice of I get superficial responses of "that sucks" and "I'm sorry." Is there no in-between? And with either option I don't really get any kind of discussion or conversation—both have the likely unintended consequence of dismissing me and my problems.
Maybe I expect too much from her. Maybe I expect too much out of friendships in general.
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