Above Whelmed

I've been feeling beyond whelmed lately. "Overwhelmed," one might say.

In addition to the general stress and frustration in the situation with Lucy, I'm also still working in a job I loathe that barely covers my expenses... the expenses I'm paying, at least. I'm currently in default on my student loans.

I'm also stressed by the notion that I'm going to have to call home sometime very soon to ask about the fate of my insurance coverage. My therapist has been urging me to find a doctor and get a physical.

A former MFA adviser suggested I get an adjunct position teaching at a local university. I'm afraid, but it's something I want to do. I think. I've yet to make a move on it.

And, I'm working on an illustration project with someone who contacted me online, which is going slow and I'm frustrated by the process of everything and by my own work. The author isn't pushing me or anything, but I imagine it. With all my issues, I wonder if he'd be better off finding someone else.

Then I received a summons in the mail for jury duty. I'm thinking of postponing it, just so I don't have it weighing on me at the moment. This means talking to my bosses at work, which is scary to me. Authority scares me. And it's just a huge unknown. The unknown scares me.

There's also my homework assignments for therapy, which I feel I don't put enough effort into.

And I'm done with medications, period. I haven't had any amount of Effexor since Friday, which, since I've tapered myself so slowly, I'm only getting minor brain zaps from. It's still quite unsettling and I hope it doesn't get worse.

I feel frazzled, like I'm barely holding myself together here.