Since my hours were trimmed back, about a month ago, to the 25ish I have currently, I've had a lot more free time. Except I have nothing to really to do in my free time.
Actually, it's worse than that—There are things I want to do and things I absolutely need to be doing, but in my time off I'm often listless and unmotivated. I get frustrated with myself and my tendency is to distract myself with the internet, with games, and with lots and lots of music.
But these just let me kill time and avoid my problems. Eventually I get bored with the internet (especially over the weekend when it seems most everyone else takes a break), I get frustrated with the computer game I'm playing, or the music playlist reaches the end and an intense silence fills my apartment. I don't have anyone I can talk to, I don't have any friends except for Lucy, but I can't talk to her or see her because of her husband. All I have to help myself manage the loneliness and despair is to distract myself some more.
Days like today make me feel like I'm going more than a little stir crazy.
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You live in Manhattan, right? Go for a walk. People watch.
ReplyDeleteWatch the Giants on TV!!!
Killing time. So relate. What to do with it. Easy to stay in bed, and just hang out with the cat.....
U write beautifully. Time to start a novel?
Thanks, Susan!
ReplyDeleteActually, I live in a dump of a city in western New York State. I don't go out for walks because I live in a rather unsafe neighborhood and the last time I tried I was scared people were following me. And a kid a block away from me tried to get my attention by shouting "Hey fatty!"
I wish I had a cat. I wish I could afford to have a cat.